Year’s Best Headlines

22 12 2009


THE YEAR’S BEST (actual!) HEADLINES 
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
No, really? 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
Now that’s taking things a bit far! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ 
Panda Mating Fails; 
Veterinarian Takes Over 
What a guy! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~ 
Miners Refuse to Work 
after Death 
Those good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ 
Juvenile Court to Try 
Shooting Defendant 
See if that works any better than a fair trial! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ 
War Dims Hope for Peace 
I can see where it might have that effect! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ 
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 
Ya’ think?! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ 
Cold Wave Linked to 
Temperatures 
Who would have thought! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ 
Enfield Couple Slain; 
Police Suspect Homicide 
They may be on to something! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Man Struck By Lightning: 
Faces  Battery Charge 
He probably IS the battery charge! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ 
New Study of Obesity Looks forLarger Test Group 
Weren’t they fat enough?! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ 
Astronaut Takes Blame for 
Gas in Spacecraft 
That’s what he gets for eating those beans! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~ 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
Do they taste like chicken? 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ 
Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
Chain-saw Massacre all over again! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ 
Hospitals are Sued by 
7 Foot Doctors 
Boy, are they tall! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 
And the winner is…. 
Typhoon Rips Through 
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 
Did I read that right?

 

 

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